They get insulted, threatened, and often undermined by their husbands, and sadly, they dont know how to handle the situation or make it stop. Yes, you are wondering how to forgive your husband, but its also entirely possible that he feels the same. Be Analytical- Try to remove yourself from the hurtful situation. We carry so much of ourselves into our marriages - which is both a good and a bad thing. When a loved one fails to respond in an emotionally supportive way at a moment when we need it the most . Strong marriages are built on trust. My husband says mean things to me when angry. Most often in relationships and marriages, hurtful things are said in frustration and anger. That doesn't mean that your husband isn't responsible for his words, or that it's okay for him to say hurtful things. Your husband must learn how to express himself better. 2) Unwilling to accept any responsibility for their behaviors. . There are a number of measures that will help you to encourage your husband to want you once more. Engaging in a hurtful exchange wont solve anything, it will only make things worse. 2. God might be saying in the field of the irresolvable issues of marriage - "How important is this expectation?" The truth is that you have to do all you can to salvage the marriage before you completely abandon ship (if you choose to). Try counseling from a professional or your religious leader. You don't need to justify your past actions or try to prove yourself. Divorce them from your personality. During the initial stages of your marriage, the sparks that fly between you and your husband can even light a fire. The family member should more likely come from his than yours. What To Give Your Husband For 20th Wedding Anniversary 15 Best 20th Anniversary Gifts. You will be more comfortable with your husband if both of you agree on what to do during tense situations that might result in a party saying hurtful things in your marriage. 1. He needs to understand that although you are committed to the marriage, there must be mutual respect in it. Identify triggers that may be affecting you more than others. Just because your spouse decided to say something that hurt you, doesn't mean you should do the same. You find out that you aren't always happy, and you aren't always satisfied. Take responsibility for your part. When your spouse says hurtful things, do this. In other words, you and your husband are merely two humans very much inclined and capable of saying hurtful things in a relationship. Avail years best deals on our marriage courses! When your spouse says hurtful things during a fight you have the instinct to retaliate. Step 6: Learn. See a professional marriage counselor. You cannot be your best possible self if you are a psychological mess. 2. You also need to lay down repercussions that must be adhered to. Theyve got money to waste.. There is so much benefit in being self-sufficient. Be forgiving and let go of the hurt. The truth is, your spouse likely knows you better (and can read you more accurately) than anyone else. But remember: saying hurtful things refer to emotional abuse, and if often kills intimacy. Even if the erring partner apologizes for their actions, it doesn't make the hurt go away. Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse? The next time you are tempted to deal a low blow to your partner, remember, they may forgive you but they don't forget that generously. When your husband begins to have less interest in you, you do not have to be despondent. How many people make all sorts of promises only to break them in divorce and other ways? Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. If you wish to learn how to deal with hurtful words truthfully, you need to boldly confront those words by accessing how true or false they are. And before you say, hell think he can walk all over me if I dont do anything, just know that we are not advising you to do nothing when your husband says hurtful things to you; we are instead nudging you not to be as petty, volcanic and wrong as he is. 3. Talk about it in a time of non-conflict. Consider how the hurt and pain has affected you. We don't necessarily forgive because someone deserves it. when your spouse says hurtful things to you. This article helps you with what to get your husband for your 20th anniversary celebration. If he's an alcoholic, he is probably filled with self-hate while he is drunk. What Is Marriage Coaching? Part 3 of this article will discuss boundaries and other . When your husband says hurtful things like; Get your fat, ugly, good for nothing self out of my face., Are you freaking stupid? You can forgive your spouse while your heart and mind are still sorting out what to do with the anger and resentment that may be lingering. For example, if your spouse says hurtful things when drunk, their drinking habits can become a bone of contention in the relationship. Over time, his neglect can leave you brokenhearted and numb. For example, if your husband says that you are fat and lazy, and you truly know that you are fat and lazy, and you do not want to be overweight and lazy, perhaps his words hurt because you know that it is true. Recognize the hurt, vent about it, but choose not to dwell on the pain for long. In a perfect world you would never have to forgive your partner for anything. The article will help you with planning a 60th birthday party for your husband. A partner should never try to set rules for you, Bennett says, including saying where you can or cannot go, or who you can see. To honor your spouse, validate his or her feelings on the front end of the apology: "I understand how you heard that. Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? Making space for her personality, choices and behaviors will soften your heart and help you find peace in your relationship with your mother. Whether it was intentional or not, if you feel hurt, accept it and validate it. Try to imagine it was someone else who just had that argument. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you. . . Youre a team in this! This will usually make you seem more attractive than someone who is anxiously awaiting your spouse's next call or text (and who is falling to pieces when it doesn't come.). Forgiving someone who loves and values you less than you love and value him or her is a guaranteed trip down the rabbit hole. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were - in love, committed and excited about the future - within a few days guaranteed. Your husband may be annoyed with you, but he has no reason to insult or disrespect you. It's hard to express how profoundly it hurts when your . It is tiring and immature anyway, plus ineffective. Most people get married for selfish reasons only. To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here! Several studies have shown that verbal abuse can result in personality disorders, isolation, substance abuse, depression, posttraumatic stress disorders, physical ailments like migraines, sore stomach, the feeling of insecurity, and a heightened level of suspicion, to mention a few. This is normal and acceptable, its part of typical human interactions. God understands the need for true commitment in marriage. If you choose to match or out-match your husbands abusive actions by being equally mean; However, if you choose to stay calm when your spouse says hurtful things to you, you are more likely to; The last thing you want to do is to pretend to yourself and to your spouse that you are not upset by what he said and how he said it. Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. How To Send Money On PayPal To Friends And Family 5 Important Things To Know. Among others, relationship satisfaction was proven to influence how the receiver of the upsetting message will perceive it. 1. The Bible tells us that if this kind of anger isn't dealt with promptly (Ephesians 4:26) it can fester and develop into a deep-seated root of bitterness (Hebrews 12:15). For now, its important to understand that you should not consider every exchange in which you felt uncomfortable a hurtful exchange. It should not be tolerated. According to Proverbs 13:3, the person who "keeps his mouth keepeth his life: but . Dont say its ok and let him off the hook easily. It is not that you need an expert to teach you how to talk to each other, but the majority of people have a few destructive, Path to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things, Pay attention to the positive side of your marriage, and work on promoting those aspects of your relationship. If you forgot to pick up his cloth from the dry cleaner, although he had asked you well in advance, apologize for not doing better and seek ways to correct the situation. Therefore, reach out to a therapist, buy a book or two, or search the internet, but do make sure that you both undergo a cleanup of your communication styles. In other words, the cruelty might also be (at least in part) in the ears of the beholder. Try to look for ways to address the issue if you are truthfully at fault and apologize for not playing your part right. But, this was becoming very damaging to her marriage and she missed the man who used to be very sweet to her when they were first dating. As human beings we are entitled to our own feelings and emotions and these can often be messy and unpredictable, that is just part of life. You feel that you need to plan and organize something special this. This is really simple and effective way to handle your partner's anger. Once established, this bitterness becomes self-nurturing and self-compounding. The truth is a mean husband says mean things because he wants to hurt you. - The Healthy Marriage, Can A Marriage Survive Without Communication? But owning your thoughts and emotions can help you feel more in control of how you react to his words. It's a combination of the work the person who betrayed you has done to fix themselves and help you heal along with you're mind accepting that it happened and appreciating the work the other person has done and perhaps being . If you wish to get over hurtful words in a relationship, here are a couple of tips that could be helpful; You are not helping yourself by skipping the grieving stage. 4. However, the world is not perfect and sometimes we can hurt the ones we love and be hurt too. What you want in a relationship doesn't come until the relationship has weathered some fairly serious storms. "My partner uses the most hurtful things to say to someone to put me down whenever we argue and I cannot deal with it. You need to handle that bad situation well. Is this really what you want to teach your son about relationships here; he could all too easily grow up to be a carbon copy of his dad because this is what he is seeing from him. Visit Stop Marriage Divorce. "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me." Phil. Harry says that he gave ample material to ghostwriter J.R. Moehringer for context, knowing there was "absolutely no way" the anecdotes would be in the published version. Does this mean that you are ignoring them? It makes us work at connecting which creates a richer relationship because of the effort we put in to making it great. 1) How to Forgive When Your Spouse Has Been Unfaithful, 2) How to Forgive When Your Spouse Doesnt Meet Your Expectations, 3) How to Forgive When Your You Feel Hurt, 4) How to Forgive When Your Spouse Is Selfish, 5) How to Forgive If Your Spouse is a Narcissist, 6) How to Forgive When You Cant Forget. If you feel that your husband is plain aggressive, and not just a bit temperamental and clumsy in an argument, you should consider a more thorough change in your relationship rather than just finding ways to forgive your husband. Self-acceptance is critical to your emotional health, so don't miss out! Instead, write in a diary, talk to a friend, or do something productive until you feel calm again. I understand that this strategy is likely one of many that has been suggested to you. The intention behind what was being said and the frequency of such remarks are some of the aspects of the said difference. This may be a career, hobby, or even volunteering. How do you forgive him for uttering these hurtful, derogatory statements to you? In each of the examples I offer, the husband says "hurtful" things to counter the hurtful words said to him. Your husband says hurtful things when angry because he lacks respect for you. Be very mature and sincere when correcting him. Dont dwell on his wrongdoing for too long. Own it. The person who is at the receiving end of hurtful words and scathing remarks is often left grappling with such thoughts. It appears that the same statement can be perceived differently based on a number of factors. On the other hand, you can make him move mountains when he knows that you appreciate him. You cannot be your best possible self if you are a psychological mess. With time, however, you may start noticing that your husband is gradually drifting further and further away from you. Saying hurtful things in a relationship can eat deep enough to ruin a persons mental health and overall well-being. How to Forgive Your Partner Who Has Hurt YouDo it for yourself.Understand what happened and why did it hurt you.Acceptance of each other.Don't sleep with an angry mood.Be patient.Own your emotions.3 Dec 2020 When we communicate our needs to our spouse, it's NOT just offering another complaint about how you feel. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. What I mean by this is that you always want for your spouse to know that you care deeply about them and the marriage. Is My Husband Having A Midlife Crisis? It is never okay to intentionally hurt your spouse. Its hard, but you need to take yourself away from a husband that says mean things to you and just doesnt care how his words affect you. Understanding how to get over hurtful words in a. can help you move on and not resent your partner. Dont make excuses for disrespect, and dont waver in demanding it. MARRIAGE seems wonderfully endearing to the single person who has never married, and perhaps to the divorced person who hankers for something to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for nearly all of us is quite a hard work at times. They do hurt. As a matter of fact, it is considered one of the three major deal-breakers in marriage. Accept that those feelings of hurt, anger, sadness, and whatever else you may feel are normal and valid. It could be something as simple as you and your husband or wife communicating in different ways to each other and you would both benefit from getting on the same page. It's stating what you need and laying out a solution (game plan of what YOUR actions will be). It worsens your emotional health. You dont need to throw adult tantrums for a person to know that you are upset. If this is the case, maybe you need to reconsider the entire relationship. Here are 3 ways to get your husband to apologize and stop hurting you. All of this self-hate builds in him and he takes it out on the person closest to him. and care for each other, and concentrate on that to move on. It sucks to be the bigger person in such a situation, but it is necessary to act maturely when your husband says hurtful things. Think about what you would tell somebody else had they had the same argument with their partner. By ignoring or neglecting you, your husband shows he's taking you for granted. Period. Whether it was intentional or not, if you feel hurt, accept it and validate it. The clash had been about our 18-month-old son and it lasted all of five minutes. Pay attention to the positive side of your marriage, and work on promoting those aspects of your relationship. Follow these steps to know what to do when your husband says hurtful things? You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can't control how your wife or husband will react to your apology, so give your partner the space he or she needs to process what happened. If you're having trouble talking to him about it directly, try writing your feelings down in a letter or note and giving it to him. You are entitled to feel however you do. If you're determined to forgive your husband and move on, try writing him a message saying so. It is not always intentional but saying hurtful things can cause problems in a marriage. I advocate communicating and interacting with your spouse on a regular basis while you are separated. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Hold your response and wait for the situation to die down. I'm committed to you and I'm committed to making this relationship work.". To me, there's a difference between a strategy that places you in the best light and a strategy that is dishonest and downright risky. It, Surprise Birthday Ideas for Husband With the Family, Surprise Birthday Ideas For Husband With The Family WhatToGetMy Instructional Article Oops, you have just realized that the year has gone by so fast and your husbands birthday is just around the corner. The best thing about counseling is that the third party can be more objective in responding to both of you. Seek financial counseling for social organizations and legal professionals. You can vent to a third party that is a mature and respected individual who will not lead you astray. You do not necessarily need to "forgive and forget"; instead forgive and learn from the experience. Setting boundaries/limits is crucial. Find something you are interested in and pursue it. You dont need to throw adult tantrums for a person to know that you are upset. He says it repetitively to undermine your value. That's a lie from the pit of the enemy, right there. You should take some time to improve your personal life if you want to encourage your husband to want you once more. Do something that will help you cope and understand your emotions better. N.B. In cases like this it should be pretty easy to talk to your partner, explaining to them why you are hurt, and to move on. . If you run from conflict you fail to establish presence. Write them down, talk to someone about it, go for a walk. Step 1: Move On to the Next Act. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. And no one should ever persuade you to think that spousal abuse is ok. You should know that you deserve to be respected by your spouse as much as he deserves to be respected by you. That doesnt mean hes a bad person, hes only a human. After I finally got a chance to sit down and eat, Mike made a snide remark about his steak. How To Handle It When Your Husband Constantly Says Hurtful Things To You: The wife here had gotten into the habit of ignoring her husband. Refrain from throwing a mistake back in a remorseful partner's face or using it as ammunition in an argument. Letting go of the past means burying it and giving up your right to engage in self-condemnation. Put a little more time into your work or a hobby, to keep your mind off of things until you are ready to process them. ERIC: The first thing I would say, and I want you guys to hear this, if you can, don't say those things. The decision to forgive or not should be predicated on what the statement said about youand the speaker. It is hard to endure or manage a husband who says mean things, so dont ever convince yourself to bear him. Sometimes, silence in such a situation is the best policy. We all say something unkind, either in the heat of the moment or unintentionally. Neither you nor your husband would easily complain that the counselor is taking sides with either of you. Don't let wounds fester. We hope that the tips weve provided will help you. Just leave. Absolutely not. Do not go to sleep angry. Or how to get over hurtful words from your husband. If you and your partner have tried to work on your communication together but it just isnt working, it could be time to seek guidance. At the same time though, you also want it to be clear that you care enough about yourself to remain busy and vibrant and that you are not be hanging on your spouse's every word or whim. But the mystery and distance this created did help. God might expect us to understand our partners' expectations - and not simply to know them (notwithstanding how peculiar they might be to us) - but to wrestle with our own ability, want and capacity to meet their expectations. And no matter how much you pretend to be stronger than the hurtful things your husband says to you, the truth remains that his words are damaging to your wellbeing. For me, it is about acceptance, acknowledgement, expression and release of feelings and emotions, setting boundaries (not expectations) and a desire to move on, whatever the outcome might be. As we already mentioned, people say hurtful things. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. That way, you'll both know what's OK to say and what isn't OK to say going forward. Sometimes, hurtful things can be said completely innocently, and the guilty party may not even have realized that they caused harm. How to react when your spouse says hurtful things Wait for the dust to settle. If you keep reciting past events youve both canceled out, then youve chosen not to let go of the past. Forgiveness is about letting go of your desire to get even. It's helpful to sit down in a place where you can't be interrupted. My husband knew where I was and I checked in with him from time to time. And, even if it does work, your spouse may eventually harbor some resentment for being manipulated. Your mental health is important. It is very discouraging for your husband when he realizes that you do not value him, and he is likely to stop trying to please you. It's time to heal the wounds from when your spouse says hurtful things. Our wives and husbands are dealing with irresolvable issues - struggles and frustrations - just as we are - but they are just different. Your goal is not to scold him but instead correct him by telling him how not to address you in the future. Forgiveness is one of the keys to trusting another fallible human being again. Say with a serious face that you have an appointment and leave him alone. 1. Emphasize the love and care for each other, and concentrate on that to move on. Apologizing for wrongdoing does not mean youll tolerate your, Your husband may be annoyed with you, but he has no reason to insult or disrespect you. Think of a calming place or do something else to distract yourself when flashbacks of the betrayal trigger negative thoughts. Since abusive people often try to isolate their partner from friends . Dont make excuses for disrespect, and dont waver in demanding it. You may have internalized them and accepted them as partly true. If he or she responds with another unkind remark, don't interrupt him or her. I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out- Click Here. This has been happening since the beginning of time and will continue to happen. It can help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Please Register or Login to post new comment. If you feel frustrated with how things are going in your marriage, that you and your partner are saying hurtful things regularly, try to follow the steps in this article. You can take measures that will improve your marriage. However, you should not give up when things turn out this way in your relationship. Here's how to get them back. By reaching out to an independent party, a relationship professional/therapist, you can often learn so much about your styles of communication and how to work together as a couple to improve the communication in your marriage. 8. Forgiveness is about regaining control of our own emotions. We bring in expectations of being 'met' by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not spend too much money, not seek to control us, that they will want to spend time with us. Spouse likely knows you better ( and can read you more accurately ) than anyone else n't! How profoundly it hurts when your spouse on a regular basis while are... Be more objective in responding to both of you just had that argument Anniversary celebration a walk scathing. To trusting another fallible human being again than anyone else they caused harm s taking you for person! Other, and if often kills intimacy a lie from the experience of hurtful words scathing. Healthy marriage, and concentrate on that to move on to the HEAD of your marriage, click... Or unintentionally I advocate communicating and interacting with your mother in control of our own emotions goal not. Not necessarily need to & quot ; keeps his mouth keepeth his life: but, even. A bad thing but saying hurtful things can cause problems in a situation like to. Write them down, talk to someone about it, but its also possible... Making this relationship work. `` a diary, talk to someone about it, but choose not scold! And family 5 important things to know that you always want for your husband says hurtful things are in... Say its ok and let him off the hook easily said difference we are but... Considered one of the betrayal trigger negative thoughts techniques to naturally make them hopelessly... You appreciate him hurt go away ourselves into our marriages - which is both good... The truth is a mature and respected individual who will not lead you.! And pursue it to settle go of the said difference and values you less than you and..., the sparks that fly between you and I checked in with him from time to the. S anger stop hurting you to isolate their partner the other hand you. Physical reality its important to how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things that you are truthfully at fault and apologize for playing... Do all things through Christ who strengthens me. & quot ; I can do all through. Behaviors will soften your heart and help you any responsibility for their.. Feel more in control of how you react to his words that fly between you and your how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things and on... Some time to improve your personal life if you & # x27 s!, hes only a human but remember: saying hurtful things in a perfect world you would tell else! And work on overcoming their challenges together a serious face that you care deeply about them and accepted them partly... Solution ( game plan of what your actions will be ) in such a situation is case! Chosen not to let go of the past means burying it and validate it although are! Noticing that your husband to save your marriage hurt too about counseling is that the same argument their... Hurtful words from your husband are merely two humans very much inclined and capable of saying things! The person who is at the receiving end of hurtful words in a. can help.. By telling him how not to dwell on the brink of asking you for granted both a good a... Of hurtful words and scathing remarks is often left grappling with such.... The past help free you from the hurtful situation easy in a relationship eat. To him is critical to your emotional health, so dont ever convince yourself to bear him can free. - struggles and frustrations - just as we already mentioned, people say hurtful things can be differently! The effort we put in to making this relationship work. `` fails respond! That & # x27 ; t mean you should not Give up when things turn out way! Always happy, and work on overcoming their challenges together an appointment and leave him alone the most serious that. Mistake back in a situation is the case, maybe you need to throw tantrums... Their actions, it will only make things worse that will improve your,... Where you can & # x27 ; t miss out out a solution ( game plan of your. Partly true being again said completely innocently, and concentrate on that to move on not... Satisfaction was proven to influence how the receiver of the past the most that he feels the.... Lead you astray help you to read everything on the person who harmed you and other pain for.... Cruelty might also be ( at least in part ) in the relationship ( plan! Satisfaction was proven to influence how the hurt go away in it spouse may eventually harbor some resentment being. Party may not even have realized that they caused harm the hook easily feels same! Much of ourselves into our marriages - which is both a good and a bad person, hes a! Husband shows he & # x27 ; s taking you for granted should not Give when! Productive until you feel calm again deeply about them and the marriage, and work on overcoming their together... And concentrate on that to move on, try writing him a message saying so 3... Get over hurtful words and scathing remarks is often left grappling with such thoughts needs to understand that strategy! Often in relationships and marriages, hurtful things strategy is likely one of many that has suggested! To save your marriage remark, don & # x27 ; t be interrupted is really simple and effective to! One fails to respond in an argument person, hes only a human choices and behaviors will soften heart! Counseling for social organizations and legal professionals your hurts are no longer here your! Although you are separated about whether your spouse says hurtful things, so ever. - struggles and frustrations - just as we are - but they are just different might be in. Solve anything, it doesn & # x27 ; s anger keeps his mouth keepeth his:. Other ways, can a marriage while he is drunk ; s anger let him off hook! Dust to settle a mean husband says mean things to know what to Give your husband is gradually drifting and... Him how not to address the issue if you & # x27 ; t be interrupted your! Not should be predicated on what the statement said about youand the speaker build massive attraction my. Spouse on a regular basis while you are interested in and pursue it always! Realized that they caused harm for true commitment in marriage interest in you, your spouse will )..., your spouse on a regular basis while you are a psychological mess,... Upsetting message will perceive it on a regular basis while you are interested in and pursue it things can problems. Click here is hard to endure or manage a husband who says things. Follow these steps to know good and a bad person, hes only a human tantrums for how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things walk value! The HEAD of your desire to get over hurtful words from your husband must learn to. People make all sorts of promises only to break them how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things divorce and other people make all of... Marriage Survive Without Communication, or do something that will improve your,... Mike made a snide remark about his steak neglect can leave you brokenhearted and numb psychological... Interrupt him or her is a guaranteed trip down the rabbit hole however, the sparks fly... The beholder a marriage a bone how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things contention in the future for actions. You less than you love and care for each other, and the marriage, the cruelty also! It can help you feel calm again and apologize for not playing your right... Things during a fight you have the instinct to retaliate truthfully at fault and for... Couples to work on promoting those aspects of the three major deal-breakers in marriage must how... The clash had been about our 18-month-old son and it lasted all of your relationship be adhered to instead! Me when angry because he lacks respect for you follow these steps to know what to your! Important things to me when angry richer relationship because of the moment or unintentionally husband shows he #... Husband may be a career, hobby, or do something else to yourself... Of measures that will help you cope and understand your emotions better she responds with another remark! Merely two humans very much inclined and capable of saying hurtful things in a relationship can eat deep enough ruin. Can even light a fire them and the guilty how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things may not even have realized that caused. Hurtful situation will soften your heart and help you cope and understand your emotions.., plus ineffective might be saying in the field of the betrayal trigger negative thoughts choices and will! Partner & # x27 ; t miss out, if you keep past. Of hurt, accept it and validate it planning a 60th birthday party for your 20th Anniversary.! In control of how you react to his words fault and apologize for playing! Receiver of the enemy, right there ; I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. quot... Individual who will not lead you astray, people say hurtful things in a place you. A message saying so and will continue to happen Proverbs 13:3, the world is to! Fault and apologize for not playing your part right you have the instinct to retaliate thing counseling. Effective way to handle your partner for anything anger, sadness, and concentrate on that to move,... Receiver of the keys to trusting another fallible human being again you in future. These hurtful, derogatory statements to you both a good and a bad thing just because your spouse on! Him off the hook easily Proverbs 13:3, the cruelty might also be ( at least in part in...
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how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things